And now, as you breathe out.

I read back over this blog today and realised it’s been going since 2010.  The bulk of it was written in internship and residency and it very much reads like someone living their life in between those two years of utter disarray.  And then, two years ago, the snow globe that was my life was shaken and shaken and shaken.  By the time the pieces had settled, so much had happened and the day-to-day vagaries of my job stopped mattering, as I’m sure they do anyway.

It’s hard in medicine to have a blog.  Really really hard.  You have to be so careful.  I still remember Barbados Butterfly who had the best blog about being a woman in surgery until the hospital bloody made her take it down.  There’s so much I want to say about the last two years but just can’t.  All I can say is that 2013 was the worst year of my life.  So bad that I quit the Internet.  Which for long-term readers from the early 2000s is probably inconceivable but it happened.  For all bad events that happen in your life though, things settle eventually and you get to process and box it all up to put on your trophy shelf of Life’s Big Event’s.

The biggest and best thing that has happened for me though is that I had a beautiful baby girl with five fingers and five toes whom I can only describe as being sunlight personified.  To steal a phrase, she is incandescent.  I never thought I would feel that way about anything.  Babies are nothing like what they’re sold to be.  She put everything, absolutely everything into perspective for me and for this I am eternally grateful.

The Internet is weird these days.  Everything is packaged up so you can sell something.  Mummy blogger.  Daddy blogger.  Doctor blogger.  Fitness blogger.  Fake-cancer-survivor blogger.  You’re almost pushed into sieving yourself into one kind of thing and only posting about that.  If you eat healthy you can only post one YOLO meal a week.  Green smoothies compulsory.  Fitness?  God forbid you should post a photo looking like a slob on your couch.  I don’t think I could filter myself even if I wanted to.

I thought about deleting this one and starting again, but then realised that the progression through internship and residency, and then to registrar is probably worth a read.  Even if two years of that registrarship isn’t documented, I can write in retrospect about some things.  So watch this space, and if you were holding your breath, you can breathe out now.